Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Sometimes I feel like the reason why I havent conceived yet is because i dont have enough faith or I let the worldly things et to me. I will talk about the faith later.
I have eliminated alot of worldly thingd from my life, I have quit cussing, I dont drink, or smoke, I have cut out certain types of music, I dont watch certain movies, or shows *even though The Hills is my guilty pleasure.*
But there is one thing that keeps holding me back, I have let it go for months, and then it creeps back into my life. I confess these things to the father. Sometimes I feel like I have an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. The Angel keeps telling me "No, you know your hearts desire, and if you keep it up you wont ger your blessing. And then the Devil keeps telling me "Its okay, just one more time, God wont punish you, he ALWAYS forgives".
My heart is going one way but my brain is going another. I can't say I dont know what to do, because I do know what to do. I need to keep praying, and declare over my life that I am free from this sin.
Now my faith, I have it... I talk to the lord, I pray to him. The one thing I dont do is I dont read my word daily like I should. Im not motivated to. I do good for about a week, then I just stop. Sometimes I feel like GOD doesnt hear my prayers, then I go to church and then I hear everyone getting their blessings, but me. Dont get me wrong I acknowledge him, I am blessed, and I thank him for the things he has done foe me. But I want to hear his voice, I want to be able to have a testimony to tell. This entry probably doesnt make sense, but thats just my feeling. Its crazy because as I was writing this entry *During church* It was like my faith was renewed! The message was def. for me. The message was about sifting in the spirit, and the reason why I am feeling like this is probably because GOD is sifting me, so I can get my blessing.
I Wanted to share a song with you all... This is def. my theme song of the week!


  1. I used to blame myself - and say oh i must not be a good person. You cant blame yourself for the way your body is.

  2. I think we are all guilty of beating ourselves up when it comes to IF. I believe God always hears our prayers but has a different way of answering them than we expect. It's a part of the journey and it can be frustrating. Keep the faith.

  3. I questioned my own faith for years whe we were ttc. Always thinking if I could just get to the 'Sister Super Christian' level, that maybe God would hear my prayer and heal my barreness. I think we all go thru that at some point in our IF battle. But for me, I've come to learn that God just doesn't work that way. And I've also come to the conclusion that I will never understand God's ways, especially where IF is concerned. It's the only way I can maintain a relationship with Him and still function in life.
    I don't know if any of that helps, but you ar surely not alone in this!


  4. Thank you ladies! All of your insight really helped!! I know that GOD has not forgot about me, and he always doesn't answer you when you want him to.