Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Excited, Nervous, and Sad... all at the same time

I am writing this blog post as I watch ANTM... I dont think I am really feeling these ladies!! LOL I dont like Catty, Ghetto girls!! ugh! I also havent been feeling well as well... I have been having these waves of nausea... It sucks! I am not getting my hopes up about might being pregnant, but There is a STONG possiblity!!!

Lets get to why I am really writing the entry... Here is alittle back history about me... When I was 5 years old, my mother passed away! that was almost 17 years ago. I grew up with the best father, and amazing sisters ever! My dad and my sisters are my best friends, and my dad tried his best to be a mother and a father! in my opinion, he was the best!! Well, eventually I met patrick, and we got married! I took that really hard, because my mother will NEVER get to meet my husband, she will never see me happy and in love... But for some reason, when i think about becoming a mom it hurts me more... I am so excited to become a mother, and all the nervousness comes along with it... but it makes me sad... I will have to let my kids know that that their grandma passed away a long time ago... In the middle of the night when my babies are crying, and I dont know what to do, I wont be able to call my mom...

I dont know, I just feel like i missed out on alot of things in life, being able to tell my mom I love her... the fact that she wont be in the delievery room with me, or plan my baby shower hurts me... I know she is up in heaven watching me... but it still is very sad... Eventually I will give you all my history! Let you all know where i came from....

Here is a picture of my BEAUTIFUL mommy, and my older sister!! We love you and miss you so much mom!!
Alicia Latonya Hill

My older sister Ebonee, My second mom! After my mom died she helped dad raise us... The She is the best sister anyone could ask for!! She is a wonderful mom, and I hope to be a good mom like her! her and my niece and nephew are my heart!!


  1. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry. :( but fingers crossed that u r pregnant right now!!:)

  2. I know how you feel. Although I didn't lose my mom so young, she did pass just before I got pregnant the first time and never met my 3 beautiful miracles. I also feel cheated in many ways. You will find ways to make peace with it and you'll teach your child(ren) all about their grandmother that watches over them from heaven. (Stress Free Infertility)